Most Asians live together with their parents and won’t move out until they work out of town or get married. In some places, the couple could even move in with the parents after marriage.

 

On the other hand, most Westerners expect their children to move out when they reach a certain age; usually at 18 when they head to college. Young adults living in their parent’s basement are often seen as an embarrassment because it would probably be a sign that they are unemployed. 

 

It is certainly not the case in most conservative Asian households. Living with the parents is the norm—even noble because it means you’re looking after your old parents. The Confucian ethic believes in filial piety: the attitude of obedience, devotion, and care toward one’s parents and elders in the family. The decision to move out will evoke eyebrow-raising questions like “Are you abandoning your parents?” or “Why spend an unnecessary amount of money on rent? Families are supposed to stay together.”

 

Multi-generational home is a common concept in Asian families, where two or more adult generations live together, including siblings, parents, grandparents, or adult children. By living together, families could save money by combining their home-buying budget, share caregiving duties, and enhancing their relationship by interacting frequently.

 

Ammy Daludado and her husband are Filipinos living in New Jersey. Along with their three children, they live with the husband’s parents in a split-level home that allows privacy for both parties. By living together, the children are deeply connected with their grandparents, while learning multiple Filipino language and culture. “They get a peek, a window, into their grandparents’ lives and culture, and see their lives and beings reflected, like mirrors, and make connections that might have been lost,” she said to Cubby. 

 

To fulfill the need for multi-generational homes, The Goodwood Residence in Malaysia developed a residential area for a big family. It is equipped with facilities for different age groups, such as a mahjong lounge and aqua-fit for low-impact exercises for the older generation, jogging trail for adults, and a kids’ splash pool for the younger ones. 

 

 

“Compared to our previous developments, we are targeting a different group of people. What we have here are multi-generational homes, owing to the range of built-ups we have — from 947 sq ft for singles or a small family to 2,002 sq ft with 5+1 bedrooms for the entire extended family of three generations,” says senior manager of sales and marketing, Frankie Choo.

 

Architects and designers around the world are beginning to develop similar housing alternatives for families that wish to stay together regardless of age.

 

Of course, living together is not always the best choice for every family. In some cases, living apart could improve the relationship between parents and their children. Both parents and children could have their own privacy, quarrel less, and have better conversations when they meet to catch up after a while of not seeing each other. Parents could start to enjoy their lives without children, and the child could have some independence. Astrid Wen, an Indonesian family psychologist, stated an opinion on this matter: “It is actually appropriate for young adults to be independent after they finished school and start working. They must live apart from their parents if they want to be free from their parent’s house rules.” When an adult lives in their parent’s house, they should follow their house rules which could include curfews and house cleaning schedules. 

 

Rachel shared her experience of moving out as a Malaysian on iProperty.com, “I told my parents that it would be more convenient commuting to work, less stressful, and saves time. I also told them that I would be returning home every weekend, which I still do for the past five years! They were hesitant and asked a lot of questions but overall okay with it. I think our relationship has even improved since I moved out!” 

 

What do you think is the better alternative: living alone or with the parents?